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TOPIC: Old people

Old people 2 years 4 months ago #30077

  • UK Neil
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Banned from Sainsbury's

Didn't like shopping there anyway.


Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
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Re: Old people 2 years 4 months ago #30081

  • Ron Smith
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ROTFLMAO!!!!! :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
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Re: Old people 2 years 4 months ago #30082

Last year I walked into a small United States Post Office and the postal worked looks up at me and says "you're not here to mail something, are you?" I told her no, I was here to drop off my dry cleaning. My son got a good laugh out of it. But my wife was not as amused.

Sometimes I wonder about people.
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Re: Old people 2 years 4 months ago #30083

  • alan
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UK Neil wrote:
Banned from Sainsbury's

Didn't like shopping there anyway.


Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
i so do miss being around folks from the UK spent some time in the military with,love their sense of humor,can laugh at theirseves as good as they can at others
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Re: Old people 2 years 4 months ago #30100

  • Tony
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My wife and I were at our local Target, looking in the outdoor section for patio chairs, when I notice from my right an older gentleman walking towards us. I smiled and turned back to the chairs. As we're talking about prices, colors, etc... the older gentleman passes us. As he passes us, I hear a loud fart-like sound. My wife and I both look at each other with looks of bewilderment. When we turn to our left to look at the older gentleman, he is walking away laughing out loud.

"We just got crop-dusted by an old man at Target!", I said to my wife. We both proceeded to laugh, and could no longer have a serious discussion about patio furniture.
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Re: Old people 2 years 4 months ago #30144

  • Zico Martin
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Absolute quality :laugh:

ZM.
UK Neil wrote:
Banned from Sainsbury's

Didn't like shopping there anyway.


Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
The administrator has disabled public write access.
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